Miss Misunderstood

"The heart that cares too much for others is always misunderstood."

It's actually true in every sense. Countless experience is deemed necessary for it to be understood. Yet, after all those experiences that was mention, you still wonder if you truly grasp such situation. Ironic isn't it?

Personally speaking, I can say I dubbed myself as "Miss Misunderstood". Don't get me wrong, it's not on a whim-kind-of-a-decision. It just so happens that I have accumulated those countless experience  as I have mentioned above and still fail to grasp the entirety (or so they say). I can pretty much say that a lot of people tend to misunderstood my actions, words and even intentions. But, it doesn't mean that all those what you blindly see, hear and believe are true.

What do I do?

Reaching out is what I do actually. But, believe it or not, there will be people who will only open their doors slightly. Then, slam it on your face with no dire warning. Which left you no choice but to be left hanging in mid-air wondering "what the heck did I do wrong?"(This scenario happens all the time I lost count).

Being patient is what I'm good at. But, patience itself has its limits you know? I can only hold on much longer before it snaps into two (which is rare). I consider myself as a frank person as well. If there's something that has been bugging me I would definitely ask you straight out. That is, after all of my internal monologue and debates. But, let's be real. I am no mind reader. It's better if you tell me what your problem with me is, so we can all sort it out. However, reality bites (sadly). 

There will be people who prefer to kept it to themselves and not show it. or even won't talk about it. But, you'll definitely feel the change (What do you call it again? right? cold treatment. Such a smart move). Plus, with the power of technology, it's no surprise you'll post whatever it is your feeling on social media. (It's free. It's your own free will and hey! its everywhere). There will also be people, who might say they know what you are, but not who you are. There will be times when actions speak louder than words. And there will be a lot of times, when a smile masks thousands of emotions.

There is difference between being honest and being brutal about it. I'm okay with both honestly. I wouldn't have it any other way. Still, it doesn't change the fact that it hurts. Being honest, like I've said is totally fine, but, if your intention is for the sake of saying it to make yourself feel good and the latter to feel really bad. Then, I don't know what to call you. Though, I'm pretty sure you already know what you are. (For a while it made you feel good and sort of superior, didn't it?) Regardless, if you heard the same sentiments over again. I know for a fact that its to help me grow. It might be slow. But, its there. Can't you just wait for the progress.

I usually keep it to myself. For as long as I can hold it in. I won't say a word to anybody. As long as I can handle it. I won't trouble anybody. I won't try to be a burden. For as long as I can. And more often than not I will always respond with a smile and say "I'm fine".

So how do I manage? 

I stay positive. I think positive. It might be a little bit cliched but it's true. For as long as I can. For as long as I can endure. No matter how hard I fall or hit the ground. As long as I get up and face it again then that's all that matters. The process may be hard but as long as I don't give up and believe in myself. I think I'll be alright. 

Have Faith. I usually do try to think of every circumstances as a challenge, an obstacle that God has given me because he knows I can do it. For I believe that he wouldn't give me something I couldn't handle. He will always be there to guide me despite of how many times I fall, with bruises and all ---he'll always be there. 

Support. It's not everyday people will listen to you and hear your silent cries. That is why I'm truly thankful to those people who listened to my woes. I'm most thankful to my family, my best friend, and friends who just listened and let me get somethings out of my chest. For the best part, for encouraging me to stay strong. 

Believe in oneself. Need I say more? There may be times that I lose confidence in myself, I mean who wouldn't? After all you've been through, don't be surprised if you don't see any cracks in you cause there will be--like--plenty. So, let me tell you one thing, by the end of the day, no matter how hard it is, never forget to believe in yourself. Believe that you can pull this through. Believe that everything will be alright. It may not be that fast, but, it will be.

and most importantly...

Love yourself. There are times more often than I can count in which I questioned myself and even hate myself. But, you know what? People can say a lot of crap about you, but, know this, you know yourself best. They may claim to know you but, you know yourself more. They say that the start of loving other people is when you love yourself first, cause if you don't in the first place then who would?

You may think everything in here is easy. Trust me, when I say it isn't. It's a constant reminder whenever I feel down and begin to question myself. A reminder as to not hate myself again, and, to be proud of who I am. Flaws and all. ^-^

......

P.S

Wow!!! This post has been in my drafts for waaaayyyy too long. I can't even fathom when I wrote this. And since I can't think or make any new posts for today, I might as well post this.